Fall Fun and Evolution into the "New Normal"

I present: Gothic Rag Doll and Scooby-Doo

October 2012

October 2010

As this time of year rolls around, I can't help but think back to two years ago, in the weeks prior to Nicholas' diagnosis. The left picture is about a month before diagnosis. Even then you can see how pale he was, makes me sick and sad we didn't know.  Note the color in his cheeks, lips, and fingers (right), which were pretty much absent in the photo on the left.

Super Nicholas
at Clinic for chemo & flu shot

Party game at school

Fast forward two years, and it's amazing how normal I feel.  It took about 7-8 months before I could make a solo trip to the grocery store without feeling like I was outside of my body, having the word CANCER run through my head at every turn of the aisle, and without stifling tears on the drive home.  During this time of denial I found myself repeatedly smacked in the face when I realized again and again that Nicholas has cancer - that my son's face could be used as promotional material to solicit funds for a cancer fighting organization - that we could be one of those families giving testimonials.  For example, I remember reading about a fundraiser at a local salon that would benefit "Children's Hospital's HOT Clinic."  BAM!  That's our home-away-from-home!  This will directly benefit MY SON.  Sometimes I'd cry, sometimes the air would be knocked out of me.  Always, I'd feel that the wall of denial was being chipped away and that I was coming to accept this "new normal."  Now his cancer is tightly woven into my existence.